Epigenesis: A Lineage in Two Voices
torrin a. greathouse & L.R. Bird
my mother’s interpretation of “healthy” is “alive”
once my parents tried to have a healthy baby,
but the first one died / so they got me instead
my mother tells me i cannot be bipolar because there is no
familial history / but genes have a memory
acute trauma will pass your body’s reaction onto your children
and their children
until trauma is the only
traceable
inheritance—
my grandmother punches perfect circles
into my mother’s arm and her skin blooms a diagram of
a moon passing through the sky
the Nazi occupation of Holland starved the Dutch people
until their bodies rewrote
evolution
bones that crumbled
organs that howled—
STOP. the Nazi occupation of my grandmother’s mouth
bloomed my father / grandchildren of the Dutch survivors are
genetically predispositioned
to a myriad of medical problems
including heart failure
FAST FORWARD. my father moves to Holland
learns Dutch
then forgets it—
FAST FORWARD. my grandfather beats
a cherry tree with a length of
hose to make it / bloom
—this is a common practice / to beat the tree
will stimulate the production of
traumatin / will force it to grow
/ a genetic survival mechanism
i mean once
my father’s father beat him
until he bloomed an unnatural shade of moon
FAST FORWARD. in preparation for top surgery, i get an EKG
and then another
the doctors ask me if i have a
familial history of
heart failure
REWIND. my father is in the hospital again
my mother tells me his heart is just tired from
loving so infinite—
FAST FORWARD. the doctors tell me i need to relax
they tell me there might be something
wrong with me
the doctors tell me to stop crying
or they’ll give me
another pill—
REWIND. my grandmother teaches me to swim
by throwing me into the deep end
she doesn’t save me
until i am
half-drowned—
FAST FORWARD. now, every time i shower my skin
bursts / blooms
a series of fireworks across my chest
i am diagnosed with aquagenic urticaria
which is an allergy to water
moisture causing lesions on the skin
my body rejecting all survival instincts
my body inheriting an allergy to itself
FAST FORWARD. the EKG proves that sometimes
my heart stutters / i listen to myself and i sound like
a stick against a drum
a hose against a tree
a hand against a face
my body remembers a trauma it did not muscle through
my muscles remember a trauma my body should not know
REWIND. in 1941, the first gassings of Auchwitz prisoners occurred
this was justified by the creation of “eugenics”
which is the concept of perfecting inheritability
the idea that choosing only the most desirable traits will
make for scientifically perfect humans
FAST FORWARD. in 1965 the term “transgender” was coined
in a journal of pathology
in 2017, the Republican party lists “transsexualism”
as a preexisting condition
when they approve the AHCA
i mean i am named and then gutted in the same century
it took the american government 500 years to rule tobacco as dangerous
to the public’s health
which means i am easier to burn than a pile of tobacco
which means i am easier to kill than a joint
which means even if the Republican party doesn’t say “faggot”
i know that’s what they smell
which is to say, in 2017,
the Republican party approves a form of
eugenics / the Republican party breathes and
a genocide blooms from the gas—
my mother asks me again why i don’t want children
as if my own illnesses aren’t bad enough
this country is trying to make sure i do not wish my inheritance
/ onto someone else / by approving the AHCA
the Republican party is saying
WEALTH IS A HERITABLE TRAIT
and by this they mean maybe poverty can be
bred / out of the gene pool
another imperfection disappearing
scientifically i am not worth saving
REWIND. my father beats me blue moon
REWIND. my grandfather hits my father so hard i come out
/ flinching
REWIND. i live inside a mirror
my trauma has a face and it looks like
mine
sometimes i don’t realize i am yelling until
a lover’s skin blooms my mouth
sometimes i don’t realize the hand-me-down
of my fists until i beat a wall
expecting it to bloom—
FAST FORWARD. mother asks me why i don’t want
children, and—
torrin a. greathouse is a genderqueer trans woman & cripple-punk from Southern California. She is the Editor-in-Chief of Black Napkin Press. Their work is published/forthcoming in Bettering American Poetry, Redivider, BOAAT, Waxwing, The Offing, Tinderbox, & Frontier. She is the author of two chapbooks, Therǝ is a Case That I Ɐm (Damaged Goods, 2017) & boy/girl/ghost (TAR Chapbook Series, 2018). When they are not writing, their hobbies include pursuing a bachelors degree, awkwardly drinking coffee at parties,& trying to find some goddamn size 13 heels.
L.R. Bird (they/them) exists on the internet at linettereeman.net.